So you went to University?
Well aren’t you proper?
I’m surprised your father was a real copper
Weren’t your parents pit yackers?
Oh don’t take offense
You must always laugh when it’s at your expense.
It’s fine if you’re poor,
You’re still so pretty
I bet your upbringing was really shitty.
Money doesn’t matter
In that there North
But don’t let it stop you, you can still go forth
How is London?
Are you used to our ways
I’m sure no one really gets what you say.
I hope you’re not angry
Your face is red
In fact, “hello” was all that you’ve said…
First published on Caitlin Moran’s website: